A "Turned ON" Relationship recipe...Your Guide to keeping your relationship "Delicious"
Many people refuse to change themselves to be accepted by their partner, which is a great point of view that I genuinely encourage. If our partners are not MAD about us the way we are, then we shouldn't be really interested in them. On the other hand, if we insist on "It's my way or the high way" attitude, then we'll be left dumped, punching our heads on the walls.
In Business, to get a deal we learn to play it smart, we learn the business rules, we learn how to communicate, negotiate, speak, write and do all things in the way that gets our business to where we want it to be, and it's all within the limits of who we really are, but the point is that we DO THINGS to succeed in business although it's a materialistic thing. Then,how about another human being we're dealing with and with whom we need a successful and happy relationship? It's not any easier.
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This article is not talking about games to play, it's only clarifying a human nature and it's mainly dedicated to women. Not because women are the only party responsible, of course not. It takes TWO to make a relationship succeed. Men have their roles too if they care enough, but it's just not mentioned here, nevertheless men can use parts of it.
The Delicious Tasty Relationship Plate...Yes, you can make it!
Ingredients:
1.A compatible partner
2.Self appreciation
3.Independence, Self confidence and Self control
4.Some mystery
5.A lot of love for sex
6.Effective communication skills
7.Roles
8.Indifference
9.Luck
10.A frequent turn off
Instructions:
Catch your compatible partner with your fine mixture of self-appreciation, independence, self confidence and control and then make sure you blend some mystery from time to time during the relationship. Most crucial is to prepare your plate of effective communication in which your relationship will be poured. If you like it spicy add a lot of love for sex. And if you like it to suit all tastes use all the roles you've got. Design it with some indifference on the top and pray to have enough luck for your relationship to always grow and develop. Use your senses to control the turn offs to ensure your relationship is always hot without getting burnt.
Ingredients specifications:
1. A compatible partner
First of all you've got to have a compatible partner. This is who fits into your criteria, to whom you feel attracted and with whom you believe you can spend your lifetime with, not being driven by passion, instead, taking into consideration his black areas. Also, he's someone who loves you the way you are, for whom you are and who you love him the way he is, not looking for any hopes for changes. The one you can imagine any type of change happening in your life and still believe you'll be able to live with. For example, discovering you can't have children, facing financial crises, he gets injured in an accident and his legs are cut, his work is transferred to another city or is totally lost, etc.
2.Self appreciation
"Prettiest, most successful, most rich, sexiest, smartest women happened to be dumped. Ugliest, fattest, dumbest, poorest women... happened to be mad about." Never judge yourself from a man's point of view, judge it from YOURS.
-Loving self is a little bit different than selfishness, so take care and keep the difference
-Love yourself the way you are and be grateful about your life.
Don't compare yourself to other women; every woman has got her own style and personality. Once we start acting like others, we just lose our attractiveness.
-If there is something you HATE about yourself, go change it.
If you hate you're financially dependent, manage your own cash. If you hate you're fat, go lose weight and look the way you dream. If it's something you can't really change, then work on loving it. Once we hate something about us, we just repel whoever loves us.
-Always look for development and improvement.
Develop your skills, personality, mentality, style, knowledge, etc. Keep yourself updated with what's happening around you. This aids your self confidence and refreshes your mind and opens arenas that you might never know about. Some men presume a knowledgeable woman who's always feeding her mind as powerful and sexy. And this also helps to talk with your partner about things other than emotions or problems. Too many emotion talks make men feel a woman is too needy, which pushes them away in a relationship. Moreover, men are more materialistic than women; they need to feel that they are talking to their friend who shares their passion for cars, football, technology or whatever your man has interest in.
-Deal with your body as a finely tuned machine.
Keep your body healthy, clean and good looking. Care about it so that it cares about you back. If your body is healthy, then you will look healthy and beautiful. Ads influence how stylish and fashionable a woman should work to be to be attractive and how much "make up" she should be using to look great. This is good, but it's not always the case and not always what's needed. Nature has its beauty. Men don't like women who just don't look like how they really are. And they appreciate women who just look naturally beautiful and simple.
-Develop your interests and cherish them.
Have your schedule set and stick to it. Give time to yourself. Keep some distance between you and your partner. When your man feels you have passion towards other things than him, and that you are not always available, and that you've got your own independent life, this makes you more attractive to him. This stimulates his intelligence and always makes him think of ways to grab your attention and be such a loving person, just to feel he's important and loved among your life's twinkling interests and activities. One important thing is that sometimes you can even prioritize your interests on being with him. Show your interest to be with him but put it in your schedule according to YOUR availability not his and play it smart; from time to time give him the chance to feel you sacrificed for him and cancelled an activity. This part makes you a prize. Men's nature is achievement oriented. They feel happy when they achieve and succeed in something, so perceive yourself as a prize that needs some effort to be won and he'll do anything to get you. On the other hand, having your own life, interests, friends and activities, makes you less demanding and boosts yourself confidence regardless of what this might do with your partner.
-Once you love yourself only to be loved, you will lose love.
Love yourself because you really love yourself, even if there is no one around watching. Make it a habit that you can't live without it.
3. Independence, Self confidence and Self control
What is the secret behind fear of commitment? Mainly it's losing one's freedom and facing more responsibilities.
Then, definitely a happy couple won't need a demanding needy partner and someone who makes responsibilities even more hectic and worse. Instead, it needs an independent woman who is not considered a financial, emotional or whatever burden. It needs a self confident woman who stands tall for herself, who can solve problems, who knows who she is, what she deserves and can evaluate actions and reactions and simply reflect her points of views and easily withdraw at any moment of disrespect or manipulation. It needs a self controlling and wise woman who can give and take, who knows how to appreciate, who knows when to argue and when to shut up, when to blame and when to consider, when to ask for something and when to forget about it or delay it to another time...etc.
It needs a woman who enjoys life however it is, and who has an objective from everything she does and goes for it, who is happy regardless of the circumstances and who can spread and maintain this spirit in her house and with her partner. End of the day, if your relationship didn't work out, then at least you'll still be happy.
4. Some mystery
What is one factor that makes men lose interest in a woman after marriage even though they were dying to have one look from them?
This question has everlasting and changing answers. The factor we're concerned about now stems from men's nature of being achievement oriented. Some men perceive a woman they like a prize to win, something they need to work for to achieve and have their nature fulfilled. Unfortunately, once they achieve it, they lose interest in it after some time.
Conclusion; never ever give them full access. Keep things for yourself. Don't share every single thought, every single dream, every single activity you did today or every single step you're planning to make tomorrow. Leave something for yourself and other things for surprises. For example, if you bought a new dress, don't go show it to him once he arrives home...and you would better not tell him you stopped by your favorite mall, instead surprise him wearing this dress the next weekend. Men love mystery because they love to think, they need mental stimulation, they need to pay effort to put the jigsaw puzzle (which is you) together, that is to stay interested and longing for you. Never give him your all, and leave him always with something to long and aspire for, to make him thirsty to be with you again.
5. A lot of love for sex
Men and woman differ when it comes to their sex drives. To mention a few;
-A quote and fact said by Billy Crystal "Women need a reason to have sex while men need only a place"
-"I hear women say in my office that desire originates much more between the ears than between the legs," says Esther Perel, a New York City psychotherapist
-The majority of adult men under 60 think about sex at least once a day, reports Laumann. Only about one-quarter of women report this level of frequency. As men and women age, each fantasize less, but men still fantasize about twice as often (WebMD-website)
-Men also say they want more sex partners in their lifetime, and are more interested in casual sex. (WebMD-website)
This issue could take a 1000 page book to talk about, to make a long story short, if you're really keen to keep your partner interested you should pay attention to your sexual life.
-Share and solve your sex problems.
If you're having any type of problem with sex share it with your partner and seek help, whether this problem is psychological or physical. Just fix whatever sex issues you have and make sure to get the best results so that nothing blocks you away from it.
-Educate yourself about sex and share your knowledge with your partner.
Read and talk about it, learn about its psychological effect, discover new techniques, do anything to educate yourself about sex and this will help a lot and may even add taste to your sexual life.
-Be the initiator sometimes.
Some men hate to feel that sex is their own responsibility, and that they should be the initiators every time.
-You can have sex anytime, anywhere.
Sex life is much exciting when it's not that scheduled. And guess what, if you initiated it during lunch time, chances are he'll be more interested to have sex than to eat. If you sent your signals while being outdoors, chances are he'll be very keen to arrive home as soon as possible to have sex, that if he won't even start cuddling in the car on your way back.
-It's good to prepare for it, but don't exaggerate.
We are all sure of the effect candle lights do in the bedroom, the sexy lingerie, the pre-shower and the well organized everything could do for sex. It's good to have spontaneous sex from time to time, regardless what you're both wearing, where you're both sitting and what the time is!
-Take care of the biggest sexual turn-offs for men.
Reference to the book "Secrets about men every woman should know" which was written by Barbara DeAngelis, Ph.D., some of the 20 biggest turn-offs are:
1.A woman who makes a man responsible for her orgasms
2.Women who are traffic cops in bed. (i.e those who give too many instructions)
3.Women who are unresponsive in bed
4.Women who talk too much in bed
5.Women who don't take care of themselves, and this includes:
- Unshaved under-arms and legs
- Bad breath
- Moustaches
- Unstylish clothing
- Unhealthy diets
- Over processed hair
- Unpleasant vaginal odor
- Flab
- Bad skin, covered with tons of make up
- Body odor
- Chipped and peeling fingernail polish
- Women who don't like their own bodies and put themselves down
- Women who are too concerned with their appearance
- Women who don't like receiving oral sex
- Women who take sex seriously; like a mission
- Women who wear ugly underwear
-Learn how to communicate when you don't want to have sex.
When women reject men's sexual advances, men feel emotionally rejected. And this definitely not a very nice message to deliver to your partner. Women might just not feel the mood for sex or are too tired to have it at that moment. So when you reject sex, make sure you're not rejecting your man or his love. You can say something like; "Honey, I'm kind of tired right now, but I'd like to hold you close for a while. Why don't you just stay close for a while, and see how we feel in a little bit?" Or " I love you and you know I would like to make love anytime but currently I'm so tense from work and this won't let me make love to you the way I want to. Why don't we cuddle for a while?"
6.Effective communication skills
Sending/Talking
A golden rule: "Men don't respond to what you SAY as much as they respond to what you DO". So, Talk less and Do more.
-Avoid talking too much.
First of all men don't like women who talk too much to the extent that they become noisy and to the extent to which even when they have nothing to say they keep pulling out words from their partners even if their partners -apparently- don't want to talk.
-Avoid long arguments.
Another thing is that many men just like to argue. Even if you're saying a thumb rule, they might just oppose your opinion and argue. Most probably they'll surprise you the next day recommending your opinion as if its theirs and leave you wondering like "isn't that what you were trying to proof wrong for me yesterday?" and all you can do is just punch your head on the wall.
Men don't intend to do that, but it's their nature that they don't like to be wrong and they like to have the right opinion first said. So just act as if it's OK with you and let them have the upper voice when it comes to discussion. Just don't push too hard in hopes they'll be convinced with your point of view if you want it to happen at all.
-Get to the point.
Try to summarize your stories and news when you share them with your partner and get into the core of your ideas or suggestions when you are telling them to your partner. Men don't like a lot of details.
-Express yourself clearly.
Don't wait your partner to guess how you feel or what you want. If you found him not meeting your expectations in anything, go tell him; make sure you are not underestimating what he's currently doing (thank him first for what he's doing) and then tell him how happy you would feel if he did it another your (which is your expectations). Have patience afterwards, he might not do it how would like except after sometime and other times, you have to think like "If he's not loving me the way I like to be loved that doesn't he doesn't love me with all what he has". Sometimes, you have to compromise. Bottom line, you have to be transparent when it comes to your perception and feelings towards whatever happens between you, whether it's positive or negative. It's your right and it's one way to manage expectations and correct any wrong perceptions.
-Avoid "We need to talk" syndrome.
Once it's said, men translate it as complaining or problems. So don't say it but choose a timing when you see suitable, which is definitely not once he's back home from work or in bed or during a fun peak time whatever it is and just throw what you want to say but in a diplomatic way. Don't make it seem like a disaster even you knew you're going to die soon! Deliver whatever you have in a positive context.
Receiving/ Listening
-Be patient when your man is expressing his emotions.
Unlike women, men don't have full access to their emotional world, so when they open up to you (which is half way taken) they need time to explore how they really feel and then articulate it to you. Most important is not to interrupt them when they're doing this, because this confuses them even more.
-Put yourself in your partner's shoes.
Consider every word he says and monitor how he feels and embrace it all. Imagine if what he's saying happened to you and give your full attention. Consider your partner's psychological, mental and physical status to be able to understand and embrace what he says.
-Give constructive feedback.
Men need to feel assured exactly like women. So let your partner know you understood his point of view and feelings and they will be definitely much willing to understand yours when you talk about them. So give them verbal and non verbal clues that you're following and understanding. Give it even you don't even agree with what he's saying and wait till he asks for your point of view about what he said. If he didn't ask you and you think it's important to communicate you disagree, then say it but constructively. And remember, don't ever underestimate anything your partner does or says, you'll be literally pushing him away.
Ground rules:
-Men cannot divide their attention.
Don't expect their attention when they're involved in another thing, especially when they're working and any other interest they like watching a movie or a match...etc. Men communicate best when they have focus for the conversation.
-Men share only results.
They rarely gets their partners involved in the thinking process. So don't keep nagging to know what he thinks, because this will scare him away, just leave him if he needs time alone and don't distract him too many times if you need him back to you soon telling you what he's been thinking of and what he concluded and decided. Only after that, you can discuss it.
3.Best relationships are those in which both parties touch each other/hold hands when they're arguing.
7. Alternate your masks/roles
I once asked a friend of mine what he thought the definition of a wife is and his answer was "A wife is a lover, a bitch, a friend, a daughter, a manager, a leader and a mother"
Men love them all, so what about one person playing all these roles. And it's much easier than how it's read. Just be sure you use each mask at its time.
8. Indifference
Some people may be very successful and taking good care of all their life details but when it comes to their relationship, they pay much less attention until they find it a disaster. In business we usually search for our competitive edge to win other competitors. You always have competitors and never think that because your partner got committed to you then the journey is over, the journey is never over for women who are keen to keep their men interested in them a lifetime, journey just begins the day you become committed. So search for your competitive edge(s) and keep it and change it from time to time to always keep your score with your partner. Be different and let him feel proud he has you. Don't follow each new trend whether it's in fashion, technology, cultural concepts before you think if it applies to you or not. Do whatever but just keep yourself indifferent.
9.Luck
Luck always has a role in the game! And God may have plans for us that are much better than our plans. Sometimes, nothing works to turn a relationship on ever again. So always keep the prayers.
10.A frequent turn off
Nothing can be really turned ON all the time. All batteries need recharging and even electricity charges flows might differ at some points of time and it might even go off for a period of time.
The secret of a shiny face is a good sleep. The morning light comes only after the night's darkness. So it's a universal rule; that nothing can be good all along the time and your relationship can never really be turned on all the time.
Turn off factors mainly come from external factors, but you are the one responsible to turn it on again when it's been off for a while and what you've been reading in this article helps you when you get to turn it on. But guess what, even if your relationship is hypothetically ALWAYS turned on, you should turn it off for a while. Distance brings passion. Plan to make up for distance between you and your partner from time to time. Don't always be on his shoulders wherever he goes and don't ask him to be with you wherever you are. And if this is your normal life style, then it would be good to plan for travelling alone with your friends or for business purposes or invite him to travel somewhere for a couple of days and see how passionate you'll both get the next time you meet.
Bon appetite...
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